- when people don't sit next to me on the bus: offended and relieved
- when someone sits next to me: irritated yet flattered
when u haven’t masturbated in ages and
damn imma stop masturbating for a while so i can grow cannons on my back and launch torrents of water at people
OMG I want the Squirtle tank top!
Friend: Ill be there in 5 minutes are you ready?
Glad I didn’t scroll pass this !
What’s his Vine screenname so I can follow the shit out of him
The last day of Harry Potter.
Hogwarts Subjects → part 2
Hogwarts Subjects → part 1
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
t bag me plz